Pergilah Chrisye.

Innalillahi wa inna ilaihi roji'un.

Semalam aku dapat SMS dari kawanku, ngasi tau kalo Chrisye baru aja meninggal malam sebelumnya. Waduh, sedih kali aku. Masalahnya dalam dunia entertainment & musik di Indonesia, Chrisye-lah figur yang paling ku-respect and lagu2nya paling kusukai. Tak ada itu Peter Pan, Dewa, Padi, Gigi, Sapi, Tangga, Kotak, Asbak (sebetulnya aku asal bunyi aja ini, tak tau aku ntah ada ntah nggak nama2 grup band yg kubilang barusan. Abis orang Indonesia tak ada kreatifnya pun bikin nama band). Yang agak lumayan yaaah... Potret boleh laaah. Lagu2nya enak juga.

Mas Chrisye sepertinya meninggal akibat kanker paru-paru stadium 4 yang udah dideritanya stlh cukup lama. Kankernya didapat karena dia kabarnya perokok berat (CURSE YOU, tobacco!!). Yang bikin aku sedih lagi pas aku nengok berita2 yg dulu, katanya dia gak ada uang untuk berobat karena kebanyakan royaltinya kemakan sama pembajak2 musik. Oh, dear!

Tapi ya sudah lah, seperti kata abangku, "memang udah ajal." Mo bilang apa lagi. Aku doakan semoga Chrisye dapat beristirahat dengan tenang, dan diterima segala amal dan ibadahnya di sisi Allah SWT. Amin. Dan yang tak kalah pentingnya, Chrisye had left us with some of the most memorable and beautiful songs in the history of Indonesia. Like a legendary figure, his songs had left their strokes on the landmark of our musical history. And those strokes will be forever there for us to listen to.

Pergilah Chrisye. We will always remember you and your songs.

What's in a name?

Today at Aggiecon (a 3-day convention at the campus) I had my name written down in kanji (Japanese characters. Well, actually it's Chinese characters, but you know what I mean). The very nice Japanese lady who held the stand took my first name and broke it into four parts (MA,HA,MU,TO), each with a kanji character and its own distinct meaning. They're beautiful, both the calligraphy and their meanings. She gave me a sheet of paper detailing the meaning of each character. I'll write it down here:

MA: shining, polish.
"This person has a pure, clean heart. This is his blessing from God."

HA: one of Japan's most famous poets (Basshó).
"'HA', from the famous Japanese poet, indicates artistic sense, wisdom, and appreciation of nature." The lady added that since this poet had left his mark in the history of Japan, so it is hoped that I, who share his name, will also left my mark in history. ("Amen!" I said)

MU(BU): samurai.
"'BU', from 'Bushido' - the way of the samurai - indicates honor. Samurai virtues include courage, honesty, and mercy."

TO: capital.
"The literal meaning of 'TO' is capital, but it means more. 'TO' is the second kanji in Kyoto, the ancient Japanese capital. It indicates nobility." She then added that Kyoto was regarded as the core of the world, and so it is hoped that I will also become a 'core' for someone else, or perhaps in the world.

Such grand meanings. It's no less beautiful than the names I got from my parents. I remember my father once told me that names are prayers for the one who bear it. Oftentimes afterwards, whenever I'm alone, I get to thinking about myself. Who am I? What is my goal in life? I'm a very laid back guy, pretty emotionless (I think). Ambition? None whatsoever. Whenever I think of my life, sometimes I would get scared about where I'll be heading.

But there are also times when I just burst out laughing at my own silliness. There's no need to be afraid. La vita é bella. Life's beautiful. My name is Mahmud Arief Albar. Mahamuto. I'm the praised one (Mahmud). I'm wise (Arief). I'm grand (Albar). I'm shining, artistically sensed, appreciative of nature. I'm honor, courage, honesty, and mercy. I'm the core and the capital. I'm all of those and so much more!! I'm blessed with a beautiful name. With so much prayers and hopes in my name, I'm protected from all the ugliness in the world! I don't care where I'll be heading. For now, I will just live my life so I can bear my name with pride. I will strive to be all those prayers and more. And then when I die, God will let me know whether or not I've taken good care of my name!! Then I can start worrying!

What's in a name? A lot!!

"Procrastinator" is my middle name.

Friday. Past midnight. (Which, I suppose, would make this Saturday)

I suppose it's no secret, to people who knew me, that I'm a real sloth when it comes to doing things. Like now, for instance, I should be doing my paper, but instead I'm wasting precious minutes updating my blog! Arr! Tomorrow is the last day of spring break (Sunday not included). Before spring break started, I made a resolution that I would spent all my time in the whole week to work on my papers, major project, assignments, or what have I. But, like all the poor, sad resolutions that I have made in the past, that resolution is now drifting aimlessly somewhere in the thick mist inside my brain, lost and forgotten.

You know, I always think of resolutions like a faucet. You turned it open, then you went away to do something and if you forgot to close it, sooner or later you'll have your kitchen or bathroom ankle-deep in water. Well. In my case, the water has gotten so deep I'm practically drowning in a sea of unfinished papers and assignments. That's the thing about resolutions: you forgot about it for a second and it came back with a vengeance. I made a resolution to do my assignments for the whole week of spring break, neglected it for half of the week, then spend the remaining half regretting it. Sigh. Maybe a few hours of PS2 will lift my spirit...

Enough!! Less blog-updating!! More paper-doing!!

Being judgmental is bad... but MAN it feels good!!

Okay, introspection time.

I reread my last few posts and then immediately burst out laughing. I was so judgmental!! I can tell whenever I was being judgmental because I sound real pissed. Oh wait. That logic is a little backwards, isn't it? Hmm.

Anyways, it feels good to be judgmental for once in a while. Whenever you need to vent, you won't want to put a limit on your rage meter nor care how much you're repeating yourself. Let me tell you a story to illustrate my point:

One of my best friends came to my house one day when I was alone (this was way back when I was still in Medan, mind), and he asked to use the telephone. No problem, so I went back inside and gave him the house's wireless phone. He dialled his girlfriend's number and the next thing I knew, he shouted, bellowed, and snapped into the phone at the top of his voice. For the next 30 minutes or so I watched in amusement as he proceeded to swear and call his girlfriend names and stuff in a manner any pissed boyfriend in the world would be proud of. It was particularly funny because we were sitting in the terrace and people passing by in front of my house kept staring at our direction due to my friend's shouting and cursing. After he was done, he put the phone down and started venting. He was having a fight with his girlfriend (duh) over some trivial matter, which actually as I analyzed it, the fault was also on his side. But I always keep it my personal rule to not interrupt a person while he's letting out all his steam, so I just kept quiet and listened intently. Then he told me, well, basically he said, "I know I had a fault too in this, but I'm real angry right now, y'know. And whenever I'm angry, I don't want to hear you or anyone correct me! Anything I said is absolute and that's that! I don't want to hear anything else, eventhough I'm wrong!!" I grinned and made some more lemon tea for him.

It feels really great to be judgmental. It's bad, yes, and you certainly don't want to keep it up lest you want to endanger your social life. But now and then, there comes a boiling point in your day and you just have to let it all up and find some poor, unsuspecting sod to vent it all on... in a non-destructive way, certainly. Luckily, I'm pretty good at self-control, so I never (and will never I hope) did any irrational or destructive behavior while I'm angry. Usually I just shut up like a clam, put on a sour face and walk away. And if I happen to be in front of the computer, I put it all in scathing, unintelligible words. So if you think my previous posts are too one-sided and judgmental, talk to my hand. :)

And besides, this is my blog. So I get to write what I want. So there.

Rants (contd.)

(continued from previous post)

The most frustrating thing is, after all these disasters, most of us still stupidly look at each other and say, "what had we done to deserve these?" Uh, excuse me? How about all those corruptions that have been running rampant in our country since god-knows-when? And oh, don't forget the Indonesian Playboy magazine those pea-for-brains over at Jakarta had licensed straight from Hugh Hefner himself. And what's up with those mystic shows and adult-oriented programs? Oh yeah. You dirty MF-ers don't give a rat ass what happens to our country as long as you got your pockets lined up with money, don't you? I say, round 'em all up and, in the eternal words of the Red Queen, "OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!!"

But seriously, we Indonesians really need to change. We're too busy minding our own business that we ignored other people's rights. We're too busy pointing fingers at each other that we didn't realize our own mistakes and faults. Sure, we can all point fingers at someone to serve as a scapegoat (the favorite so far seems to be former Pres. Soeharto), but are WE any better than him? Are we doing ANYTHING to do our part in the society? For the country? No, nevermind for the country, what have we done for ourselves? Are we doing anything to make our own lives better? Or are we always waiting for someone to make it better for us? Indonesians nowadays only care about their own rights, but they completely neglected their own obligations. We demand 'reforms', 'improvements in social infrastructure', 'better jobs', but what have WE actually contributed to the society and country to make those improvements happen? Just one year after SBY got the office, there were people already protesting, demanding him to quit the position as the president. Imbeciles. Who the hell do they think are? If you morons think SBY was doing a bad job, then why don't you name someone who can actually do a much better job than he could? Huh? HUH? And STOP thinking of the president as some kind of a GODDAMN HARRY POTTER!! SBY is no magician, he can't just wave his magic wand to make all our country's problems disappear! He needs US. He needs OUR cooperation. WE need each other's cooperation. WE need to work with each other to make our country a better place to live, a better country with better people and better government. It always amaze me that instead of us, the only ones that are truly, really cooperating with each other, helping each other... are the corruptors. They help each other to cover their tracks, hide their crimes, and by doing so they ensure the safety of their own skin. Why can't we work together like this?

The Nature itself had become restless. Earthquakes, tsunamis, disasters. Each kept happening one right after another. Their sounds formed a harmony of deafening rapid sequence... like that of an alarm clock.

That's our wake up call.

We can heed it, or we can continue to sleep in eternal bliss and ignorance while our whole world crumbles around us.

Subhanallah.

Tsunamis. Floods. Earthquakes. Public transport disasters. Oh my.

Not so long ago, I received news that the region of West Sumatera, the native homeland of my ethnic group (suku), Minangkabau, was hit by a massive earthquake. Immediately my heart sank.

No, seriously. No pun intended.

It's one thing to hear that the earthquake happened in your home country, but it's certainly entirely another (and definitely worse) to hear it happen in a place that has a personal value to you. West Sumatra. It's the land of my ancestors. I've been afraid that this would happen one day, ever since I read an issue of National Geographic assessing the high-risk zones in Indonesia. To my horror, West Sumatra was among those that have the highest risk of getting hit by earthquakes and tsunamis. It's not just the earthquakes though. Ever since the tsunami in Aceh, everything seems to go downhill from there. Nias' earthquake. Mandala crash. The flood of hot mud that nearly buried an area in Java. Ceaseless rains in Medan and drought in Jakarta. And then a flood in Jakarta. Airplanes falling out of the sky like paper on fire. The grand Pagaruyung Palace went up in flames. etc. etc. etc. I heard somewhere (probably from a Jum'ah khutbah) that all these disasters that have been happening to us are warnings from God, Allah SWT, that we, Indonesians must change and do our best efforts to repent and make everything better. That might very well be the case, but the important point is whether we actually learn something or not from all these disasters. The fact is that we Indonesians need a lot of change. And I do mean a lot. Like, a HELL lot.

(continued to next post)